WTF?: Record Breaking Beer Shipped in Woodland Creatures. Bambi is Pissed!
July 26th, 2010 Filed under: News/Calendar/Industry, WTF? by admin
(LONDON – AFP)
The strongest and most expensive beer ever created sold out within hours Friday, a Scottish brewery said, as they courted controversy by packaging the bottles inside the bodies of stuffed animals.
BrewDog, the self-described maverick brewery, presented the beer — which contains a record 55 percent alcohol — inside the bodies of dead squirrels and stoats.
Animal rights activists rushed to condemn the stunt.
“It’s pointless and it’s very negative to use dead animals when we should be celebrating live animals,” Advocates for Animals policy director Libby Anderson told BBC Scotland.
“This seems to be a perverse idea.”
BrewDog said the limited edition Belgian ale — made with juniper berries and dubbed “The End of History” — was also the costliest beer ever sold.
The squirrel bottles cost 700 pounds (1,000 dollars, 840 euros) each and the seven stoat bottles went for 500 pounds a pop.
All sold out within four hours of going on sale, BrewDog managing director James Watt told AFP.
Watt said the controversial drink was the last in a line of experimental brews, explaining: “For the final installment in the strong beer series, we wanted to create something epic, something monumental.”
He said there were no plans to come up with a beer to beat this record, insisting: “We’re quite happy at 55 percent.”
As for the taste, Watt described “The End of History” as a “complex” beer with a multitude of flavours including honey, mint and cinnamon.
He recommended sipping the drink “much like you would a malt whiskey”, served up in a spirit glass rather than a pint glass.
(Pass the squirrel opener dude! – Ed)
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WTF? – Playboy Magazine Tests 3-D Centrefold. Tissue Prices Skyrocket!
June 9th, 2010 Filed under: News/Calendar/Industry, WTF? by admin
(No, you’re not going blind, it’s in 3-D! That doesn’t explain your hairy palms though – Ed)
(Source – CBC News)
Playboy readers who can only imagine what it would look like if a centrefold jumped right off the page are getting new specs to help them see into Hef’s world.
The magazine’s June edition comes equipped with 3-D glasses. Now the toy that has kids dodging dragons, meatballs and tall blue aliens at the movies will help adults focus on what is, at first glance, a very blurry Playmate of the Year.
“What would people most like to see in 3-D?” asked Playboy founder Hugh Hefner. “Probably a naked lady.”
Hefner makes no secret of hoping to capitalize on the popularity of 3-D movies such as Avatar and How to Train Your Dragon, even as he makes no secret of not quite getting what all the fuss is about.
“I’m not a huge enthusiast of 3-D,” he said in a telephone interview. “I leave real life to go to the movies and 2-D is fine with me.”
If the thought of grown men sitting back in their recliners with a pair of 3-D glasses doesn’t quite say Playboy, it should be noted that a few months ago, the magazine put Marge Simpson — yes, the blue-haired animated mother of Bart — on the cover and in a two-page centrefold.
“In today’s print environment, you have to create newsstand events,” said Jimmy Jellinek, the editorial director of the Chicago-based magazine. “Marge Simpson was one of those.”
Playboy certainly must do something to get more people, especially younger people, to buy a magazine that has seen circulation plummet from 3.5 million in 2006 to 1.5 million today.
Jellinek said he hopes the issue featuring centrefold Hope Dworaczyk in 3-D also reminds people that for all the infatuation with the internet, there is nothing quite like having a magazine in your hands.
“People want things that last and have meaning,” he said.
The thought hadn’t occurred to Hefner. But, now that you mention it: “This particular picture is one example of how books and magazines are different [than computer images],” he said. “You can hold it in your hands, save them, and as Dad used to, put them under the mattress.”
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WTF? – Small Penis? Beware Airport Body Scanners!
May 10th, 2010 Filed under: News/Calendar/Industry, WTF? by admin
Hands Up Pencil Dick!
(Source – The Smoking Gun)
A Transportation Security Administration screener is facing an assault rap after he allegedly beat a co-worker who joked about the size of the man’s genitalia after he walked through a security scanner. The May 4 confrontation involved Rolando Negrin, 44, and other TSA employees who had previously taken part in a training session at Miami International Airport, according to the Miami-Dade Police Department report. Negrin and his co-workers had been training with new “whole body image” machines–the controversial kind that provide very revealing images of a traveler–when Negrin walked through the scanner. “The X-ray revealed that [Negrin] has a small penis and co-workers made fun of him on a daily basis,” reported cops. Following his arrest, Negrin told police that he “could not take the jokes anymore and lost his mind.” After work Tuesday evening, Negrin confronted fellow TSA screener Hugo Osorno in an airport parking lot. Negrin wanted to “resolve a problem,” and get Osorno, 34, to “finally respect him.” Instead, Negrin allegedly pulled out a police baton and began striking Osorno, while demanding an apology. A witness told cops that Negrin told Osorno, in Spanish, “Get on your knees or I will kill you and you better apologize.” When Negrin, wearing his TSA uniform, arrived for work yesterday, he was arrested on an aggravated battery count and booked into the Miami-Dade lockup. Osorno, police reported, suffered “bruises and abrasions on his back and arms” during the attack.
(Fortunately, Osorno’s own tiny penis was to small to suffer any damage – Ed)
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Police force downtown liquor stores to close early
February 20th, 2010 Filed under: News/Calendar/Industry, WTF? by admin
(The Vancouver Sun | Photo – Stuart Davis, PNG) – Vancouver Police closed downtown liquor stores at 7 p.m. Friday in a bid to curb the open consumption of liquor as huge crowds congregate in the city’s core to celebrate the 2010 Olympic Winter Games.
“The Olympic fans aren’t a problem for us, it’s those who are coming into the city exclusively to get drunk.” said Cst. Jana McGuinness said in a news release.
To help avoid a repeat of Friday’s incidents of public intoxication and the associated disorder, police asked the B.C. Liquor Control and Licensing Branch for assistance with a 7 p.m. closing time for liquor stores in the downtown area this evening, Jana said in a news release.
“The strategy behind this is to stop the supply of alcohol to the streets,” she said. “We are seeing people replenishing their stock at nearby liquor stores and then openly consuming the liquor in the streets.”
“We are encouraging people to enjoy the Olympic experience but to do so responsibly by leaving the alcohol at home” McGuinness said.Vancouver Police plan to boost their presence in the downtown core after unprecedented numbers of people surged into the city Friday night, with many of them openly drinking liquor or intoxicated in public.
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WTF?: Former Larry Sanders Star Rip Torn charged with breaking into bank
January 31st, 2010 Filed under: WTF? by admin
(UPI) – Connecticut state police allege actor Elmore “Rip” Torn was intoxicated when he broke into a bank in Salisbury carrying a loaded revolver.
The Torrington (Conn.) Register Citizen said Saturday that Torn, 78, set off an alarm at a Litchfield Bancorp building when he allegedly forced entry into the site through a back window Friday night.
Police said in a release that officers responding to the alarm allegedly found Torn intoxicated and carrying a loaded revolver.
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WTF?: DJ condemned for playing Van Halen’s “Jump” as woman leaps from bridge
January 18th, 2010 Filed under: WTF? by admin
(MailOnline) – A Radio DJ has been condemned by mental health charities after he played the song Jump as police were trying to talk down a suicidal woman from a motorway bridge. Steve Penk received a request from a listener for the hit Van Halen track after four lanes of the M60 were closed while police attempted to deal resolve the situation.
The controversial presenter told listeners on his breakfast show he was playing the song to ‘emphathise’ with frustrated drivers, but moments later the woman jumped from the 30ft bridge.
DJ Steve Penk played the Van Halen hit Jump to ‘empathise’ with motorists after the M60 was shut while police attempted to talk down a suicidal woman The 30-year-old woman suffered minor injuries, but mental heath charities branded his behaviour on 96.2FM The Revolution ‘in very poor taste’. Paul Farmer, chief executive of Mind, said: ‘Given the distressing circumstances, the decision to play “Jump” was highly insensitive and in very poor taste.
‘Media have a responsibility for their audience and jovialising such a situation could be fatal.
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Jesus Christ, Not The Swine Flu!
November 12th, 2009 Filed under: WTF? by admin
(Reuters) – An Italian inventor has combined faith and ingenuity to come up with a way to keep church traditions alive for the faithful without the fear of contracting swine flu — an electronic holy water dispenser.
The terracotta dispenser, used in the northern town of Fornaci di Briosco, functions like an automatic soap dispenser in public washrooms — a churchgoer waves his or her hand under a sensor and the machine spurts out holy water.
“It has been a bit of a novelty. People initially were a bit shocked by this technological innovation but then they welcomed it with great enthusiasm and joy. The members of this parish have got used to it,” said Father Pierangelo Motta.
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Crackhead Rapper Boxing Month Continues: Coolio To Replace DMX in the ring
November 9th, 2009 Filed under: News/Calendar/Industry, WTF? by admin
(HipHopWired) – DMX has finally come to grips with reality and officially pulled out of a scheduled mixed marital arts battle with fighter Eric Martinez. After learning that the fight would not be rigged in his favor, X made the wise decision to not participate in the ‘would be’ pummeling. In a final attempt to salvage their client’s dream, X’s manager sent out an addendum to the event promoters asking them to agree to a fake bout saying:
“Event Promoter and Management agree that [DMX] is scheduled to win Boxing Challenge. All parties agree this event has been scheduled to occur only in fun and that the artist involved is not a professional boxer.”
The event promoters did not agree to the addendum however and have recruited a new victim to take his place.
The heat is officially off X as Coolio’s stepping in to take over. That’s right, Coolio.
Coolio will step in the ring to see how he fares against Martinez on December 12 in Jefferson, Alabama.
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The Party Revolution, Will Not Be Centralized
November 7th, 2009 Filed under: Made In Canada, WTF? by adminThe Third Ever Decentralized Dance Party Was The Ultimate!
Absolute Banandemonium as a 30-strong Banana Brigade armed with 20 synchronized boomboxes took Vancouver By Storm and Partied a lifetime’s worth in one ridiculous evening!
More Drug-induced Hi-jinks and Tomfoolery from Gary LaChance & Co. at:
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HOLY SHIT: Drunk Surrey man fouls car seat, wipes himself with Bible
November 3rd, 2009 Filed under: News/Calendar/Industry, WTF? by admin
(The Province) — A man was arrested in the Vancouver suburb of Surrey after he defecated on the seat of a car, wiped himself off with a Bible and then sought refuge in a nearby police vehicle.
The 33-year-old intoxicated man was at a Halloween party Saturday night when he stumbled out the door to use another guest’s car as a toilet.
The outraged partygoers began yelling at the man, who then climbed into a police vehicle, where he was bit by a service dog and then arrested.
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WTF?: Toronto Musician Killed By Coyote In Nova Scotia
October 28th, 2009 Filed under: News/Calendar/Industry, WTF? by admin
(CityTV) – A young folk singer and songwriter from the Toronto area has reportedly been killed after being mauled by two coyotes while hiking in a Cape Breton park.
Taylor Mitchell, 19, died in a Halifax hospital, after two coyotes attacked her while she walked on the Skyline Trail in Cape Breton Highlands National Park. A passerby spotted the woman being attacked and called police, who shot one of the coyotes. The other fled into the woods. Mitchell was hiking alone at the time.
Park officials say the Skyline Trail will be closed until further notice.
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WTF? : Saudi journalist gets 60 lashes
October 25th, 2009 Filed under: WTF? by admin
(THR) – A Saudi court sentenced a female journalist to 60 lashes in a case brought after a Lebanese television channel she worked for aired the sex confession of a Saudi man, the reporter and a lawyer said.
Rosana, 22, who did not want her full name disclosed, said a court in Jeddah convicted her on Saturday on grounds that the Lebanese Broadcasting Corp. she worked for did not have proper authorization to operate in the Islamic kingdom.
The ruling follows the sentencing by the same court of Mazen Abdul-Awad to five years in jail and 1,000 lashes earlier in October after he appeared on an LBC show and talked about his sexual exploits.
The show has sparked a public outcry in the U.S. ally, one of the world’s most conservative countries where clerics have wide-ranging influence and control.
“I had nothing to do with Mazen Abdul-Jawad’s show. The verdict was just because I cooperated with LBC,” the female journalist told Reuters.
LBC is a popular channel in Saudi Arabia, one of the world’s most conservative societies, and many Saudis tune into its Western-style entertainment programs and talk shows.
“I was not aware (that LBC was unlicensed), but in the end this is the verdict and I accept it. I don’t want to appeal,” Rosana said.
The court could not be reached, while a spokesman for the information ministry in Riyadh declined comment.
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WTF?: No Matter How You Slice It, It’s Just Plain Wrong, As Vancouver Man Tries To Circumcise His Son
October 15th, 2009 Filed under: News/Calendar/Industry, WTF? by admin
“You think this is a crime against humanity?, take a look at the fucking hat they made me wear!”
(The Province) – A Metro Vancouver man who tried to perform a circumcision on his four-year-old son has been found guilty of criminal negligence causing bodily harm.
The man, identified only as DJW in a B.C. Supreme Court ruling, admitted he had attempted to remove the foreskin on son DJ’s penis, but argued that his religious motivation negated any criminal intent.
B.C. Supreme Court Justice Marion Allan found otherwise.
“I am satisfied that a reasonable person in the accused’s circumstances would have appreciated that it was dangerous to attempt a home circumcision on his four-year-old son,” said the judge.
“His conduct was a marked and substantial departure in all of the circumstances from the standard of care of a reasonable person. I am also satisfied that the accused showed both wanton and reckless disregard for DJ’s safety.”
(Thanks to The Province for this great “Tip” - Ed)
READ MORE OF THIS “CUTTING” EDGE STORY HERE
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WTF? Albertan Craigslist ad seeks suicidal astronaut
October 11th, 2009 Filed under: WTF? by admin
(CNET) – Just because there’s a recession, it doesn’t mean you can’t find your dream job. So allow me to direct your boundless ambition toward an ad on Craigslist’s Calgary site.
While many people scour Craigslist to see if Starbucks or Bed, Bath and Beyond might be seeking additions to their cheery teams, the poster of this ad is searching for an altogether more adventurous type, proudly announcing “Astronaut Needed (Northern Alberta).” Is that the cough of a million scoffs I hear? Perhaps. But this is truly an interesting opportunity, to say the least. Just look at the first, enticing sentence of the ad: “Astronaut needed for experimental flight to Titan.”
Perhaps you might be concerned that this ad was not, in fact, placed by NASA. Please, let me put your mind into horizontal mode. The advertiser assures all applicants that he has been “working on this project for near 40 years.” Indeed, the only reason he is seeking an Armstrong for his flight is that he himself seems to have weaker limbs now that the years have passed.
You might also be wondering what kind of craft will shuttle you into orbit. Well, again, I can be your Xanax. The advertiser declares that his secret craft is “the result of my professional experience and imagination while serving the U.S. military in advanced aeronautics as a scientist.” You see, this man is a veritable expert in his field. This spaceship enjoys “a revolutionary propulsion system and its fuselage is fabricated with the most advanced material.”
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WTF?: “You want the best and you’ve got the best, the wettest band in the world…PISS!”
October 7th, 2009 Filed under: News/Calendar/Industry, WTF? by admin
(You should have seen the picture we were going to put!)
(BPD) – Acoording to the Boston Police Depatment, at about 10:06pm, on Monday, October 5, 2009, an officer performing a paid detail in the area of the Boston Garden responded to a call for a disturbance on Accolon Way. Once there, the detail officer spoke to security personnel who were detaining a suspect. According to the victim, she was inside the building attending the KISS Concert when she felt a warm feeling on the back of her leg.
As a result of the warm sensation, the victim says she turned around to observe an individual urinating on the back of her leg. At this time, the victim promptly alerted security personnel of the incident. Consequently, security personnel escorted the suspect from the building. Officers noted the suspect appeared to be highly intoxicated given his slurred speech and the odor of alcohol emanating from his person.
Copyright © 2004-2009 ABORT Magazine. All Rights Reserved. Reproduction of this publication, in whole or in part, in any form or medium without express written permission from Abort Media Publishing Corporation (AMP Corp.) is prohibited. All use is subject to our Terms of Use.
WTF?: Snoopy The Newfie Goes Cod Jigging for Ticket Sales
September 25th, 2009 Filed under: News/Calendar/Industry, WTF? by admin
(Photo- Ajani Charles)
(CBC) – The students union at Memorial University in St. John’s may be in the doghouse with some of its members, following a money-losing concert by rap singer Snoop Dogg.
An executive member has confirmed the students union lost $100,000 on the Sept. 12 concert by the rap star at Mile One Arena in St. John’s.
Cameron Campbell, a spokesman for the students union, believes several factors hurt ticket sales.
“There was another rap show that was playing for the week afterwards,” he said. “A little bit of consumer confidence was lost after several shows were cancelled by rappers over the summer, and those were all things that really affected us and we couldn’t do anything about.”
Campbell said it cost nearly $300,000 to bring the rapper to St. John’s.
Organizers expected to come close to filling the 6,200-seat arena, but only sold about 2,500 tickets.
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WTF? When all else fails… “Get the Butter!”
September 22nd, 2009 Filed under: News/Calendar/Industry, WTF? by admin
(Source – Weird Asian News)
A thousand-foot-long bridge in southeast China is providing an essential lesson in that country’s culinary tastes: The Chinese are not wild about butter.
The proof is in the fact that Guangzhou authorities have resorted to coating the bridge in butter, in order to hinder suicide attempts and the traffic jams they cause. The result is surfaces too slippery for even the most desperate person to climb. It gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “Get a grip!”
The bridge has been a favorite for some time among people looking to end it all, and officials did everything they could think of to discourage the practice. They put up fences, they positioned guards at each end, but ultimately nothing worked.
That’s when someone presumably discovered a mountain of butter sitting idle in a warehouse somewhere. In the States, we would have put that stuff to good gastronomical use, and left our bridge-coating to lard or Vaseline. But the demand for butter among the Chinese isn’t huge—who knows how long it might have languished in storage?
On the brighter side, the situation may have the makings of a potential Guinness record. As we butter lovers are well aware, that greasy stuff eventually has to go rancid. When it does, Guangzhou may end up being the proud owner of the World’s Worst-Smelling Bridge.
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WTF?: “But we don’t buy sharks off the street,” says Fish Market Employee
July 22nd, 2009 Filed under: WTF? by admin
(AP) – The body of a shark was left lying in the middle of a downtown Miami street after two men tried to sell it to several fish markets.
The men apparently carried the five or six-foot-long fish around on the city’s Metromover downtown train, prompting calls to police.
News footage Tuesday night showed the dead animal in the street with police officers and cruisers nearby. Two stations reported that a pair of men had tried to sell the animal to at least three fish markets for around $10.
Rob Orta, an employee at Casablanca Fish Market, told television station WSVN that the men offered his business the shark.
“But we don’t buy sharks off the street,” Orta told the station.
Wildlife officials later determined the animal was a nurse shark. The case could result in misdemeanor charges of improper killing and disposal of an animal and selling a shark without a license.
One resident of the area where the shark was dumped said he didn’t know what was going on at first.
“It was a relief that it was a shark,” said Keith Smith. “When I first saw it, I thought it was a body because of all the shootings that have been going on.”
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WTF?: Forniphilia 101
July 2nd, 2009 Filed under: Commentary/Editorial, WTF? by admin
“Look Ma, no hands!”
Forniphilia: The art of human furniture (not endorsed, nor performed by anyone at ABORT Mag…no seriously, we swear.)
Dry-humping the couch, just took on a “hole” new meaning
No, they’re not the latest signings to Metal Blade or Roadrunner, they are Forniphiliacs and they need a good polishing. Jesus! talk about getting a woody, especially when the wood in question; happens to be the leg of the fucking dining table you just spilled Chartreuse all over and licked clean with one swift, slip of the tongue. You like that huh? yes you – the one jerking off the arm of your chair.
Is it at all possible that women and men have just taken it too far? maybe any and everything could in its own unique way, be jerked off to.
Might as well start by believing the Home Hardware jingle, you know, when they tell you that: “Help is close to home.” In this case with the Forniphilia, the help is the home …and all its contents within.
KICKING IT OLD SCHOOL: “Snooker Hookers”
If you find the picture is weird, try visiting this goon named Gord.
His “House of Gord” site, is host to some fucked up furniture shit even stranger than the drawing up top. He in fact admits that the participants can be in serious danger, as they are almost smothered from staying in position (gagged and bound) for so long, The prick even got featured on Showcase channels’ racy Sin Cities program, where you can watch some of the Forniphiliac’s interview, during their Porn Vs. Art episode, including his exclusive human chandelier. ” What we’re curious about is the participants. How fucking submissive can one be? What would entice somebody (outside of money) to engage in such a dangerous and nefarious form of S&M?
ABOVE: Second Life gets a makeover
According to his website,Masterpieces of the forniphilics craft include: ·
Chandeliers ·
Tables of all sorts and descriptions
Lamps
Pedestals
Office Chairs
Rocking Chairs
Footstools
Ceiling decorations.
Lawn Sprinklers
Bird Tables
Bedside table/lamps
Stand back – I’m getting a table-length hard on as we speak.
I remember my Mother always saying in conversation on the phone “ ..well you know he’s been there so long he’s become a part of the furniture.” I would have never imagined it would also mean this shit. Could it be my Mother was part of a secret society of deviant lamp-licking freaks?
So when your next date turns out to be in the furniture restoration business, just make sure they don’t haul out a bottle of Pledge when you ask them to pass you some lubricant.
Hey- we’re just the messengers, but if you are fucked up enough, and we know you are, you can also go to:
By the way , the next time you are in IKEA® and you see a guy in a trench coat…Run like a motherfucker.
By E.S. Day
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Rap fans bombard family’s phone
July 1st, 2009 Filed under: WTF? by admin(BBC)
Thousands of music fans have been bombarding an Oldham family with calls – ever since their telephone number featured on a rap track.
US rap artist Soulja Boy included the ex-directory number in his latest hit, Kiss Me Thru The Phone.
Since its release, Gerry Matley and his wife Catriona Howard Smith have been getting about 60 calls a day from fans hoping to talk to the 18-year-old star.
They said some of them even sing the song down the phone.
“We just tell them that he doesn’t live in Oldham,” 52-year-old Ms Howard Smith said.
“They have asked if I am his girlfriend but I think I am a bit too old, even for Soulja Boy.
With my looks and my accent, I fit the perfect profile for a rapper from Oldham
Gerry Matley
“Some of them really want to believe that they have got through to their heart-throb.
“They insist that we must know him in some way, we have to be ‘special’ to him.
“Some of them are devastated when we have to tell them that he doesn’t live in Oldham but over the other side of the Atlantic.”
The couple’s number, which is the beginning of the 12-digit number that appears in the chorus, is on at least 300,000 websites.
The calls have been going on for over a month, some in the early hours of the morning.
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