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Heavy as a Really Heavy Thing: An outsider’s perspective of metal in Vancouver, and the Rickshaw Theatre

February 16th, 2012 Filed under: Commentary/Editorial, News/Calendar/Industry by Editor in Chief

(CLICK TO ENLARGE | Photos – Scott Alexander)
(In order: Bison BC, Black Wizard, Local Metalheads – Rickshaw 2yr Anniversary Party)

Originally hailing from small town Alberta and remaining a prairie resident right up until last year, it would have been difficult for me to comment on the metal scene in Vancouver. With the Rocky Mountains planted firmly like a wall between us, there weren’t a great deal of west coast bands that made the trek out east and the only knowledge I had of heavy music in the city was of course Devin Townsend’s Strapping Young Lad, stoner upstarts Black Wizard, and black metal legends Blasphemy. Since coming to the city and seeking it out however, I have come to find a great deal of the metal scene at the Rickshaw Theater.

The first time I found myself at the Rickshaw Theater was for Hate Eternal and Origin’s co-headlining tour last summer. I was immediately taken with the venue. Nestled in the heart of the downtown Eastside, the Rickshaw is a very plain venue, not a lot of frills, but it is its simplicity which makes it so great. Unlike most general admission venues there are plenty of chairs to rest weary feet as they have kept a number of old theater seats at the back that also provide a perfectly good view of the stage. The stage itself is just high enough that it can be seen from all sides, but not so high that it couldn’t very easily be mounted and jumped off of, should the opportunity present itself. And if you find yourself with an empty beer, you need only take a few steps to the left of the stage to quench your booze lust. It’s a great set-up, especially for metal bands and their fans.

It had been a very long time since I had seen a crowd as gung-ho and ballistic as the death metal fans in attendance that night. Origin had the most insane set by far, with the crowd doing a perfect trifecta of constant stage-diving, circle pitting and head-banging/fist-pumping. The whole room was pulsing with the movement, and it really would have been difficult to create and maintain that energy in a lot of other spaces. For starters there was no security or barricades, the ceilings in the converted theatre are more than high enough that people weren’t hitting the roof and the dance floor is big enough that a large circle pit can get going without having to involve the entire room, leaving people to jam out and just watch the stage if they want to.

Most of the shows I have seen there since have been metal shows, local and international alike, and it seems that it’s likelihood towards being a banger epicenter are only increasing. The demise of the old Cobalt and it’s (basically) resurrection as Funky Winkerbeans, places one of the only other exclusively punk and metal venues in the city a mere three blocks from the Rickshaw. As well, depending on how the liquor license and movie ban issues go at the Rio Theater, they may start to bulk up the live shows hosted there, scooping up more of the indie acts that would have otherwise played the Rickshaw. I doubt it would become as homogenous as Funkys, but there is a possibility of the Rickshaw becoming more of a punk and metal venue, and I think that would suit me just fine.

By: Coleman

Copyright © 2004-2012 ABORT Magazine. All Rights Reserved. Reproduction of this publication, in whole or in part, in any form or medium without express written permission from Abort Media Publishing Corporation (AMP Corp.) is prohibited. All use is subject to our Terms of Use.

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Public Enemy’s Chuck D still fighting the power

March 12th, 2010 Filed under: Commentary/Editorial, News/Calendar/Industry by Editor in Chief

(Photo – Scott Alexander)

(Reuters) – In a country still wrestling with the election of its first black president and ongoing racial tension, economic strife and war, “Fear” remains just as relevant 20 years after its release, alongside its three seminal singles: “Fight the Power” (immortalized in the Spike Lee film “Do the Right Thing”), “Welcome to the Terrordome” and “911 Is a Joke.” And still sounding that clarion call is Public Enemy and its dedicated frontman, Chuck D.

Embarking on what will be its 69th, 70th and 71st tours this year, the pioneering rap group is as busy as ever. Through its SLAMjamz digital label (SLAMjamz.com), Public Enemy recently released the benefit album “Kombit pou Haiti,” with proceeds donated to the Lambi Fund in Haiti. Coming in the spring: a “Welcome to the Terrordome” three-CD/three-DVD boxed set encompassing live tracks, videos and documentaries from the past 12 years of PE’s work; a Chuck D solo album, “Mistachuck: Don’t Rhyme for the Sake of Riddlin’”; and “It’s Back to a Million of Us to Hold a Nation,” by PE backing band the baNNed. The forthcoming instrumental set reinterprets PE’s 1988 classic, “It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back.”

That’s not counting a radio show launched in November on WBAI.org — “AndYouDontStop!” — with plans to expand across the Pacifica Radio network and as a podcast on iTunes. Also in the works are three key ventures: SellaBand, a Web site where the general public can invest in artists (PE has raised more than $57,000 for its next album from investments in $25 increments); the Chuck D and Gary “G-Wiz” Rinaldo-created Web site HipHopGods.com, an archive site focusing on the history of classic rap; and FightThePower.org, a nonprofit company established by Chuck D to continue to fight for artists’ rights in terms of publishing, copyright and masters ownership.

WATCH OUR EXCLUSIVE ABORT TV INTERVIEW WITH CHUCK D. HERE

THE RETURN OF CYPRESS HILL: Can They ‘Rise Up’ on 4/20? – A Commentary by Matt Mernagh

February 14th, 2010 Filed under: Commentary/Editorial by Editor in Chief

How high do the weasels marketing Cypress Hill’s new album Rise Up (Priority / EMI) have to be? Pretty fucking high.

Like insane in the brain high. They’ve been taking too many hits from the bong. Then again, these marketing weasels are probably boozers not potheads to miss the ganja golden opportunity west coast rap superstars Cypress Hill’s first album in six years is smacking them upside the head with.

My jaw got rocked like Heart Break Kid’s Sweet Chin Music hit me when WWE RAW announcer The King informed me Rise Up will be released Apr. 6. Not in its rightful place Tuesday, Apr. 20! Maybe the music industry could prove they understand a marketplace. And I’m not talking about wrestling music marketing. That’s another rant entirely! It’s 9 a.m. I’ve already waked and baked using a Volcano Digit to calm down. The only difference from my usual wake and bake routine is I am more bouncy and chair dancing. Happy. Joyful. Set and setting are critical to enjoying a marijuana high. This is why some music sounds better than others.

I can’t listen to Led Zeppelin not stoned. When high, I enjoy London Symphony Orchestra rocking Led Zep.

Throw down some Cypress Hill and even at 9 a.m. my vibe is get on up. Get on my good foot. Any stoner waking and baking with Cypress Hill is going to have a good day. Some stoners have been waking and baking to their funky jams for 20 years now.

Stoned is the way Cypress Hill fans walk to work or school. On Tuesday, Apr. 20, two weeks AFTER the release of Rise Up, many will be doing just that. Publicly puffing pot in a defiant stance against prohibition. Something Gen X stoners blazing to “Insane in the Brain” in their bedrooms back in the Simpson’s day never thought they’d see.

In the last decade marijuana rallies across North America have sprung up to celebrate 4/20 (Apr. 20). They’ve become annual rites of spring. With west coast stoners and some on the east coast too, holding smoke outs. These rallies attract thousands of activists.

Pothead protesters publicly peacefully puffing pot. Vancouver, BC Art Gallery smoke out draws 10,000 defiant blazing stoners. University of Denver students hold a great bud bash every year too. Police watch and make comments about how mellow everyone is to the media. About 42.0 per cent of all Cypress Hill songs are marijuana inspired. Because so many of their tunes are about bud they cross plenty of musical boundaries. If Rise Up is Cypress Hill’s return to ganja greatness, a salute to the day of doobie defiance (4/20) would be a great start.

Calling Dr. Greenthumb. Can you fix this marketing problem?

Sen Dog Drops a Dime in The Devil's Jukebox [ 0:06 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

cypresshill.com

By Matt Mernagh

Matt Mernagh a/k/a Mernahuana periodically rants for ABORT, but blogs near daily on his own website. He has hosted several Toronto and Southern Ontario smoke outs.

mernagh.ca

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Paint The Town Dead: Corvid Scans the I.D. of Vancouver’s Hip-Hop Scene

January 17th, 2010 Filed under: Commentary/Editorial by Editor in Chief

You know, ever since they tore Granville Street up like raw anal rape and brought in this bitch-ass “Clubsafe” bullshit, old Corvid’s been out on the town less and less lately. I mean, who really wants to endure the body search (that often amounts to the most action I’ll get on any given night…), ID scan and digital photo shot, let alone the humorless attitude of the ‘roid-raging meathead bouncers (half of whom used to work for Mossad…) who only smile when they’re dragging some poor fuck out back for a smackdown? What the fuck would Prodigy say? Not only do the Illuminati want my mind, soul and body, they’ve slowly taken over nearly every downtown venue and turned Hip Hop into a human battery caught in the matrix – bled dry so the machines can convince us everything’s ok. What we now have here, is the very opposite of Hip Hop – do you think that Kool Herc and Afrika Bambaataa developed the blueprint in shiny clubs where pigs from the “Integrated Gang Task Force” roll in practically on cue? Fuck that. Hip Hop Culture was born and grew up in basements, rec rooms, community halls, parks, gymnasiums and warehouses, and most of all…on the corner. The only consolation is that these fools will ultimately fail, and soon, because honestly who the fuck are these people that can afford to drop fifty bucks a night for a local underground show?

Case in point. No names to protect the innocent, but the other day old Corvid rolled downtown with the crew to support one of our own, rocking a set that night at a downtown Hip Hop weekly. After driving in circles for way too long trying to find the place (it ain’t easy…), we rolled up to the door about six deep. Cordoned off with crushed velvet ropes and oozing neon and shitty top forty Rap and Bullshit, the place was the very picture of bourgeois Vancity vanity, all flash and no soul. The three hundred pound doorman was clearly too busy chatting with the coatcheck girl to pay us any heed, so we chilled on some nicotine for a full ten minutes. My man was getting antsy in anticipation, and wanted to get his beats cd to the DJ so, against our advice he unsnapped one of the ropes and headed for the door. As if on cue, Jabba was on him, bellowing at him to “get your fucking ass back there or I’ll fucking beat the shit out of you!”. No shit. I made some comment (sarcastically) that this was the reason the club was so packed. Next comes the promoter, who on seeing our dirty half dozen felt he had to project his own failure on our man, with a “I thought you were gonna sell a lot of tickets!”. This at 10:30, and yes more were coming. It all brought to mind the time last year when the pricks at Gossip demanded that DJ Muggs provide ID at the door for his own show. DJ motherfucking Muggs! When they told him he had to check his hat, he quickly responded with “I’m getting the fuck out of here! Do You know who the fuck I am?”. The whole situation was quickly defused by the promoter, while Supernatural stood in amazed silence.

What I’m saying is this. It is time for anyone in this pathetic fucked up city who lives, breathes, eats, sleeps, shits, fucks and fights for Hip Hop to call bullshit on this whole scene. It’s time to demand more from promoters who are mocking our culture, taking our money, and not even providing us with a good time. Peace, Love, Unity, and Fun Without Violence, remember? Or did you ever really know it in the first place? All this time, and still Hip Hop is an imported culture here, like Reggae music or Dub-step. Imported without connection to its roots, and therefore merely a mimicry or derivation of the original.

Which is not to say that there are not hundreds here who live Hip Hop, and have the necessary talent, skill, dedication and over-standing to build a real movement outside of the clubs and venues of Babylon. If you don’t know, I’m not telling you, ’cause I don’t want to attract hipsters, but suffice to say that we are coming for you! From the basements, community centers, galleries, coffee-shops, tunnels and grimy warehouses of East Van we are absorbing the vibrations of the overground and flipping them, preparing for a movement that cuts through the crap like lasers through cataracts.

In the words of Immortal Technique, “just because you put on a show, or host a battle, that don’t make you important at all! It’s because of me, and everyone like me, that you do what you do, so shut the fuck up and stay in your place!”. Why the hell are we, as artists, begging for fifteen minute sets that we have to hustle tickets for or we pay to play? Because someone is making money, and there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just that it’s never going to lead to good music. Just ask anyone who’s not a Hip Hop fan, let alone someone from out of town – who’s good/famous/the next thing in Vancouver Hip Hop? Unless they say Swollen Members, or Moka Only (God save us…), they don’t know, don’t care, and wish it would all just go away. Why? Because fans haven’t demanded a high standard of music and the music is therefore not universal to a wider audience, and those that do blow up have a limited local appeal that will probably never expand to a larger market like Toronto.

Given time, the Vancouver pressure cooker will turn coal into diamonds, hidden gems will shine and the tree of life will bear fruit. But first, we need to prune the dead branches and cut out the deadrot. Marcus Garvey said, “when all else fails to mobilize the people, conditions will”, and who knows what visionary Hip Hop styles will be inspired by post-Apocalympic Vancouver, when the last shall be first and the first shall be last?

Hold your head son, hold your head.

Peace, Dave “Corvid” McCallum.

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NEW BLOOD: The Resurrection of Horrorcore PT. 2 – The Artists Speak

January 3rd, 2010 Filed under: Commentary/Editorial, Exclusive! by Editor in Chief

NEW BLOOD: The Resurrection of Horrorcore PT. 2: The Artists Speak!
In this second installment we speak with 3 up and coming artists who seem to stand out from (some) of the cliches and speak their thoughts and views on one of the most hated genres of music today. Australia’s KidCrusher, San Francisco’s Kung Fu Vampire and Canada’s own So Sick Social Club.

ABOVE: Australia’s KidCrusher

1. In your mind who would you say defined the Horrorcore genre?

Kidcrusher:That’s a really tough question to narrow down to one person,
I would have to say Esham was one of the true originals.

Kung Fu Vampire:I am new to the horrorcore scene, I am from the Bay Area and was never exposed to the scene as a whole nor influenced by the scene, I know out of all the artists that i hear about now Esham and Gravediggaz were the only ones I heard about back then also Bushwick Bill and I guess Gangsta N.I.P.

So Sick Social Club That’s a tough question, depends how far you want to go back. We could say acts like Alice Cooper, Kiss and Black Sabbath started it. Bands that are shocking both lyrically and visually. When these guys came out, they scared the shit out of the public. People can’t handle hatred, violence and gore, but in reality it is a part of life. It is a big part of our lives. Esham and ICP built the foundation and brought hip hop into it back in the late 80′s. Since then there have been some major players bringing horrorcore to the scene. Artists like Necro, Twiztid, Slipknot and Eminem have all brought new flavour to the table

2. Why is there not more metal influenced/sampled tracks in Horrorcore a la Gravediggaz, Judgment Night soundtrack or lets say Necro’s Death Rap album? and would you be open to that?

Kidcrusher: It would be cool to hear other people doing it, but it’s not their style I guess. I have really tried to amp up the horrorcore genre with a death metal band behind me, As my first ambition was to be the lead vocalist for a metal band, but the dedication between band members down here was holding me back. Besides, I’ve always loved to rap and make an epic character. So I am always throwing crazy styles into the blender.

Kung Fu Vampire: Personally I grew up listening to metal, funk, classic hip hop, jazz, industrial, etc.. i don’t implement metal in Kung fu Vampire because in the early to mid 90′s i didn’t want people to get my gothic hip hop style mixed up with rap/rock. So i steered really clear from guitars and “white boy” “fight music” style of rap. I am a bay rapper/musician that is influenced by B rate 80′s movies and my personal bout with demons. In all, I am open to Kung Fu Vampire remixes with metal influence but not into it for my music.

So Sick Social Club: Both amazing records!! Gravediggaz were brilliant too. Ice T also never gets the credit he deserves for both horrorcore lyrics and bringing metal to the hip-hop scene. Even before Bodycount, he always has a couple of slamming rock influenced tracks on every record. I hear he used to catch shit from the hip-hop community for those tracks, which is bullshit. Music is music, and its either good or not fucking good. Some people are either purists, which we respect or they are just closed minded. We are totally open to using metal samples! We already have tracks that have samples from Judas Priest, Whitesnake and Iron Maiden!! Also, Voodrew comes from a metal background. So he brings that element to the group with his guitar playing.

3. Artist(s) you would like to work/tour with.

Kidcrusher: I’ve always wanted to work on the road with Psychopathic Records, As I’ve looked up to them for years, but I am really up for anything with anybody in my class, but I wont be able to tour in the United States until 2012 due to an old criminal record of mine, Which is really holding me back.

ABOVE: San Francisco’s Kung Fu Vampire

Kung Fu Vampire: I’m currently on tour with Mars and Project Born that is amazing, the next tour that i have been asked to be on is opening for Tech N9ne and that is some next level shit cuz his fans buy my music and can understand what I am saying. I would like to tour with Outkast or Gnarls Barkley or even King Gordy, those artists are more similar to myself and I respect and love what they do.

So Sick Social Club: Good question! We have been fortunate enough to be embraced by both the metal and hip hop community, so we are pretty versatile. We think we would work well with GWAR, La Coka Nostra, Twiztid, ICP, Manson, Eminem, Riviera Regime, NIN, Mushroom head, and any other motherfuckers who have banging mosh pits! We have played with Necro in the past, but a whole tour would be insane!!

4. With the exception of some Midwestern states what is holding back a full-on horrorcore tour or festival? could it be the genre is dying,or has yet to find its mainstream success

Kidcrusher: There are tours and festivals always going down, you just cant see them, because it’s underground and promoted in the underground. All this type of music is covered up by the mainstream like censored and restricted, sort of pushed down here, but we belong down here, thing is we love it down here [Australia], that’s why they call me a Tunnel Runner.

Kung Fu Vampire: I think that it is on the rise, in fact this horrorcore tour called Murder After Midnight is considered one of the biggest Underground Horrorcore tours in history. We need more, we need promoters and fans to come together and support it to the fullest.

ABOVE : Toronto’s So Sick Social Club

So Sick Social Club: Not a chance. Horrorcore is coming hard!! Thanks to mainstream acts like Hollywood Undead and Eminem putting out their latest albums, the genre is gaining a ton of new fans all over the world. There are all ready tons of underground tours but the biggest horrorcore festival ever is the Gathering of the Juggalos! They rock out for 4 days of horrorcore and have over 10K in attendance. The public has already started to embrace to movement. Its starting to scare some of these whack auto-tuned, corporate generated groups. Fuck them and the dick they rode in on.

5. Some say Horrorcore is Rap with metal, some say Metal with Rap what’s your opinion and why?

Kidcrusher: I would say there are two different genres right there, Horrorcore is Horror Rap/Hip Hop/Wicked Shit with Guitars. Rap-Metal is like Slipknot, full metal band with Rap type verses and Metal Hooks, in my mind anyway that’s how I see it.

Kung Fu Vampire: I think of Horrorcore as Hip Hop for non hip hop heads. I call what Kung Fu Vampire does “Gothic Hip Hop” I consider tech, King Gordy, Mastamind and a few others that as well. I actually implement Orchestral and symphonic things into my music as apposed to metal. When people here a type of music and it doesn’t fit the “norm” they instantly call it “what it looks like” not what it sounds like….to me I don hear the metal in horrorcore….I hear Hardcore Rap and Horror.

So Sick Social Club: To us, Horrorcore isn’t specifically a genre. Its a mood, its imagery, its a release. I know it sounds cliché, but without this music we would probably be dead or in jail. We embrace all styles of music. We love rap. We love Metal. To me, Johnny Cash definitely had some horror shit going on, and he’s neither metal or hiphop. Its about embracing the darker side of our existence. Its about releasing the demons inside us. Without this release, there would be a trail of bodies. Trust me.

kidcrusher.com

kungfuvampire.com

myspace.com/sosicksocialclub

horrorcore.com

READ PART ONE OF ‘NEW BLOOD’ HERE (it’s not very nice)

By Dave “Corvid” McCallum and E.S. Day

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Gobble This Motherfucker: Album Not Selling?, Need Some Press? Give Away a Turkey!

November 26th, 2009 Filed under: Commentary/Editorial by Editor in Chief

(ABORT) – Observing the Americans and their Holidays from Vancouver, BC (the “whitest” city in Canada,) we noticed that in the world of Hip-Hop, it’s a well known fact that helping the poor can help your career. Whether or not you stand behind the act of “giving back to the community”, we find that some of the MCs listed below have dedicated their time and money to feeding the poor during the week of the American Thanksgiving Holiday.

But who on this list actually gives a gobble? Does it matter if said artist is on hand to be seen schlepping the dead birds? or can they just send a truck over with their logo emblazoned on the side to remind all in the line-up who sent the carcasses, or can one hope that someone receiving the thanks will pull a

‘Pookie”, sell the turkey and use the cash to buy the MCs new CD?

We don’t trust anyone anymore…fuck y’all.

*WINNER* Cash Money’s Birdman and Slim - 1600!~ With a name like “Birdman” you gots to come correct – the Knights of Nola know how to throw it down!

Remy Ma 600 Turkeys **BONUS POINTS** 400 Hams!

Master P. & Mark Wahlberg – Unknown We’ll assume between the No Limit funds and Entourage money – it’s a big number

Lil Boosie – 1000 Turkeys

Trey Songz - 500 Turkeys

KRS-ONE - (Serving only) 3000 + turkey meals

Jay Rock (no, not J-Roc) – 500 Turkeys

T.I. - 400 Turkeys

50 Cent - 300 Turkeys

T-Man - 100 Turkeys

Nino Brown – Unknown

Got more? Hit us up

Lets us know your thoughts at feedback@abortmag.com

Copyright © 2004-2009 ABORT Magazine. All Rights Reserved. Reproduction of this publication, in whole or in part, in any form or medium without express written permission from Abort Media Publishing Corporation (AMP Corp.) is prohibited. All use is subject to our Terms of Use.

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NEW BLOOD: The Ressurection of Horrorcore PT. 1

November 10th, 2009 Filed under: Commentary/Editorial, Exclusive! by Editor in Chief

ABOVE: L to R – Australia’s KidCrusher, Canada’s So Sick Social Club

NEW BLOOD: The Resurrection of Horrorcore PT. 1

(ABORT EXCLUSIVE) – Like the undead creatures of the night that inspire it, Horrorcore seems to be righteously slain by each passing generation of paranoid teens, only to be reborn again and again, each time becoming more rotten, foul smelling, and generally pale of complexion. In this necromantic dissection of a sub-genre of Hip Hop music and culture, we exhume what remains from the mouldering mausoleums of past eras, to the musings of current incarnations of diabolical wrath to ascertain who are the legitimate heirs to the “Throne of Bones” and who are just the shambling, composite remains of putrefied styles from days gone by.

It’s origins are murky, and everyone from Gravediggaz to Esham are credited with its founding, including the rather far-fetched claims of Kool Keith to have invented the genre. What is clear is that in essence, what is now called Horrorcore implies a form of Hip Hop rooted in the aesthetic of horror films, with beats tending towards the heavier, metal and rock influenced style. The term “acid rap” coined by Esham, more properly refers to the hallucinatory flows of artists like Natas and older Cage, while the term “death rap”, seemingly coined by Horrorcore’s most visible current proponent Necro, refers to the merging of Rap and Death Metal. Whereas Esham, Gravediggaz and such first used the style to vivdily express their experience of the urban hell they inhabit, groups like Insane Clown Posse who recently seem more like Fangoria dorks who salivate over scenes of disembowelment in a vicarious participation in a world of violence they can only fantasize over.

In all honesty, true Hip Hop heads must question the motivation behind artists such as Australia’s Kidcrusher, whose graphic images of female evisceration are disturbingly unacceptable in Vancouver’s post-Pickton reality. When the reality is so much sicker than anything this wanna be psychopath could stomach, can those who support the foundational pillars of Hip Hop – Peace, Unity, and Fun Without Violence – really dismiss this as a cathartic release? On what scale can the devastatingly murderous lyrics of Thug rappers like Mobb Deep and even 50 Cent be compared to the cartoonish depiction of violence by Juggalos, who have no experience of the urban warfare that inspired Gangster Rap in the first place. Suburban white kids have always relished the titillation felt when encountering a dark and dangerous world outside their comfortable boundaries, and in their world, Gangster Rap and Horror Movies occupy a similar place on their DVD rack – a place where murder and misogyny can be safely explored without consequences.

CHECK BACK FOR PART 2 AS WE SPEAK WITH KIDCRUSHER, SO SICK SOCIAL CLUB and KUNG FU VAMPIRE

By Dave “Corvid” McCallum

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BORN INTO PORN: My (Brief) Life as an X-Rated Movie Poster Pervert

October 17th, 2009 Filed under: Commentary/Editorial by Editor in Chief

CLICK TO ENLARGE

Back in the early 70′s when I could get my first hard-on, the only thing that you could get your hands on to “amuse” yourself (other than what was under Dad’s bed) was a plethora of adverts for the XXX Cinema, that had little thumbnail ads the size of a matchbook in the weekend paper. I now had a mission. I took it upon myself to venture forth with my friend’s older brother, after bribing him with some stolen Afghani hashish, also from under my Dad’s bed. (“Under Dad’s Bed” the novella coming soon) and we went to the theater in search of the previous week’s movie posters. Yes, I was armed and ready and peeking from around the corner so I would not have to hear that the jig was up, which I of course expected, thus ruining my chance at obtaining my new masturbatory tools of the trade.

In he went, wheeling and dealing to the box office girl to let him have the posters for his “Dad’s poker party wall”. ”They’re just going in garbage right?” he said. She rolls her eyes, “Yes I suppose I can let these go, but weren’t you here last week? ” she grunted, “Well they play poker every week” he said with no direct eye contact to hide his lying shame.

She handed him the posters and to avoid being caught leaving the front of a sleaze factory, he trotted at a fast pace, beaming with a grin as if he had discovered Blackbeard’s plunder. He hurried himself to the corner where we met in an alley and unrolled the goods. “The Erotic Adventures of Zorro?” I said, “Where are the garter belts? This sucks, all I see is an ass crack. This is no good!” I bellowed, “Well I cant exactly ask for posters than have blacked-out tits on them now can I?” his angry look glared down at me. I had felt betrayed.

Anyway, the “friend” left with his hash and I scurried away, posters in hand, looking over my shoulder for fear of the imaginary censor police, who I always thought would whisk me away in a paddy wagon for perverts and I, never too be seen again,. They would castrate me, along with the severing of both my hands as punishment for molesting myself. I was convinced this may happen between now and the next 8 blocks to home base.

I begin to saunter back to the house, with a quick stop into the local Beckers convenience store for more scotch tape. Like a salivating Leonard Nimoy, I’m now “In Search Of” the 3M tape logo. I went through scotch tape like madman you see, because I knew that Mom had to come into the room at one point, I would savagely tear down the posters (I had no lock on door) , as she would beckon me for dinner or to clean up, she’d leave and I was back at it. Eventually the tape wore thin and I needed more. Lots more. I would get it twisted around my fingers and hands, frantically tearing at it with my chompers. What a loser. There I was; my member in one hand and this blasphemous sticky demon (that would never cut off on the plastic teeth that it bore) in the other. What a prick (no pun).

Surrounded by exotic thoughts of wanton women on luxurious adventures or High School tomfoolery that I was sure was going to happen to me (I was still in grade 6) once I had left elementary school, I began my self-pleasuring rituals. All of this of course, was before I discovered cocaine. Then all my plans fell through and I was stricken with impotence immediately.

So fuck it. Here’s a few posters that I considered “tugable” back then, come to think of it, I’m going to print a few of these off right now.

Scotch tape donations are more than welcome.

By E.S. Day

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Happy Thanksgiving…from ABORT Magazine!

October 11th, 2009 Filed under: Commentary/Editorial by Editor in Chief

“Hey Mom…Pass The Gravy!”

(Click the pic to induce vomiting)

Tony Soprano Says: “Where’s The Gobble-Goul?”

Copyright © 2004-2007 Abort Magazine/AMP Corp. All Rights Reserved. Reproduction of this publication, in whole or in part, in any form or medium without express written permission from Abort Media Publishing Corp. is prohibited. All use is subject to our Terms of Use.

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Legendary Canadian Punk Venue to Finally Shut its Doors

September 18th, 2009 Filed under: Commentary/Editorial, Made In Canada, News/Calendar/Industry by Editor in Chief

(ABORT Magazine) – With over 600,000 people living in the city of Vancouver and over 2 million in the adjoining areas, you’d think there’d be some great, well-established music venues around. Truth is, most new venues in this city last about as long as struck match, often being replaced by other short-lived enterprises. The situation is looking even bleaker as some of the longtime establishments are now falling victim to gentrification and are being forced to shut down. While Vancouver has held the label “No Fun City” for quite some time now, the recent closure and demolition of Richards on Richards and the imminent eviction of Wendythirteen from the Cobalt, foreshadows an even darker future for the diversity of Vancouver’s music scene.

While the bar has a somewhat shady reputation – due in large part to the drug and violence riddled hotel located above – it has been a mainstay for the metal and punk scene for almost 10 years. As one of the only bars in Vancouver catering to extreme metal and punk music, the closure of the Cobalt “will be a black hole in the scene,” according to Wendythirteen. Although venues such as the Commodore Ballroom and Croatian Cultural Centre play host to extreme music, these large capacity venues are generally out of range for local bands that rely on smaller places to cut their teeth and build a fan base.

The reason for the eviction notice? Strict bylaws that require bars with extended hours (open past 12am) to install soundproofing that meet city standards. Since Wendythirteen is unable to pay for these renovations, her landlord handed her an eviction notice. When asked if she thought the recent noise complaints and subsequent enforcement of the bylaw were an effort by the city to get rid of “undesirables” before the Olympic Games, she replied “Yes, the Cobalt is in the Olympic Security Zone. I’m sure the hotel will follow.”

Though backed by a 5,000+ network of supporters and currently looking for another venue, Wendythirteen is unsure that things will pan out as hoped: “its slim pickings courtesy of the city and province buying up all the skid hotels and shutting down the bars.” As for the bands affected by the closure, expect unauthorized shows to start popping up in various locations throughout the city; either that or a mass exodus to Montreal where underground music and culture has strong roots and the means to thrive.

Check out www.thecobalt.net to sign the Save the Cobalt Petition.

By Alxs Ness

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“BACK TO CLASS” CLASSICS: Shitty DVD’s Worth Paying For

September 12th, 2009 Filed under: Commentary/Editorial by Editor in Chief

CLICK TO ENLARGE (the picture that is…)

Well, its back to school time and finally those thieving, whining little motherfuckers will be back on the bus to ruin your morning trip to work , you can’t win either way so why not celebrate with some High School hi-jinx, bursting with boob-bauchery, horrific scripts and all around bad fucking film making. Worth staying in detention for long periods of time. The above films of course are only a sample, try searching for some via our friends at DiabolikDVD.

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What Will Record Labels Look Like in the Future?

August 20th, 2009 Filed under: Commentary/Editorial by Editor in Chief

The pioneers of the music industry couldn’t have seen this coming in their wildest dreams. When publishers were selling sheet music in the late 1800s, the idea of people privately sharing their product, independent of location and physical constraints, would have seemed ridiculous. But now record labels have been decimated by the digital shift, and are rethinking their entire business model to survive.

Even as recently as the 1970s, the thought that consumers would be able to bring the industry to its knees by circumventing the existing structure and barriers seemed ludicrous. Large companies solidified vertical and/or horizontal integration across almost all elements in the supply chain; this practically ensured a stranglehold on consumers.

Then, as the infamous “home taping is killing music” warning inside record sleeves indicated, the music business (record labels and trade groups in particular) became concerned that blank cassettes were eroding profits. The ability to record songs from radio, a record, or via another cassette meant that people could acquire music cheaply or even for free.

“Favorite Recorded Scream” is a Howl with listeners

August 18th, 2009 Filed under: Commentary/Editorial by Editor in Chief

(NY Times) – A few months ago a peculiar item called “Favorite Recorded Scream” began to trickle into New York City record stores. Pressed on 12-inch vinyl in an edition of 500, it has little on its red cover except a list of 74 songs, each linked to a Manhattan record shop.

But anyone curious enough to buy it would find that the record is exactly what it says it is: an audio catalog of scream snippets — each a few seconds long — chosen by employees at various record stores in Manhattan. It begins with the Pixies’ “Vamos” and includes samples of recordings by the Stooges, Rahsaan Roland Kirk, De La Soul, Slayer, Bjork and dozens of others.

Spliced together on Side 1 into a continuous, bumpy howl, the whole thing lasts only 3 minutes 32 seconds. Its creator is LeRoy Stevens, a 25-year-old artist who made the album both in homage to his creative hero, Ed Ruscha — whose 1963 book “Twentysix Gasoline Stations” is simply photographs of gas stations from California to Oklahoma — and as a more practical travelogue. Last fall Mr. Stevens moved to New York from Chicago, and to get his geographical bearings he plotted a map of every record shop in Manhattan and vowed to bring to each a questionnaire asking for every clerk’s favorite scream and why.

FUCK YEAH!: KREATOR feat. Eve and Alicia Keys – “Gangsta Phobia”

July 22nd, 2009 Filed under: Commentary/Editorial by Editor in Chief

While some closed minded Metal and Hip-Hop bloggers and wanna-be journalists are shitting on this, we think this ultra-bitchin’ mash-up courtesy of DJ Schmolli is right up our alley

Kudos motherfucker!

djschmolli.net

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THE RISE AND FALL OF PRINT MEDIA

July 17th, 2009 Filed under: Commentary/Editorial by Editor in Chief

(MLC PR ) – Early this year, MLC PR publicist Jordyn Borczon wrote a piece about the dying breed of print magazines. It seems that she was right on the money and the print media industry has sadly, only gotten worse. According to recent statistics, so far this year 92 print magazines have gone under… I am getting word daily of more magazines hanging on by a thread including XXL, INTERVIEW, and many others.

According to MediaFinder.com (an online database owned by Oxbridge Communications) and other sites offering news of the magazine and online media industry, there were 187 new magazines started in the first half of 2009. But there were an unprecedented number of magazines folding – 279 – which means a net loss of 92 titles.

The magazine category faring the worst was regional publications with 27 titles closing, including DENVER LIVING, FLORIDA INSIDE OUT, OCEAN DRIVE EN ESPANOL. The lifestyle category saw 14 titles shuttering and business saw 10, including Conde Nast’s PORTFOLIO.

Trade magazines were not spared with construction-related titles hitting the hardest with 18 magazines gone due to the difficult conditions in the American real estate market.

TV GUIDE* is trying to survive and owner private equity firm OpenGate Capital appointed Jack Kliger, former Hachette CEO as interim CEO and senior adviser to the company. The magazine has already cut staff, trimmed its rate base from 3.2 million to 2.9 million, and reduced its frequency from 46 to 40 issues this year. The magazine recently launched its website at tvguidemagazine.com, but it may suffer from the confusion with tvguide.com, which was sold separately…

Music magazines are being hit hard as well. VIBE, the urban-music magazine founded by Quincy Jones, ceased publication effective June 30, due to “lack of additional financial investments.” Danyel Smith, Vibe’s editor-in-chief wrote: “On behalf of the VIBE CONTENT staff (the best in this business), it is with great sadness, and with heads held high, that we leave the building today. We were assigning and editing a Michael Jackson tribute issue when we got the news. It’s a tragic week in overall, but as the doors of VIBE Media Group close, on the eve of the magazine’s sixteenth anniversary, it’s a sad day for music, for hip hop in particular, and for the millions of readers and users who have loved and who continue to love the VIBE brand. We thank you, we have served you with joy, pride and excellence, and we will miss you.” The magazine has been stumbling along for several years, dropping ad pages 36% since 2005 and with newsstand sales falling 11% in the second half of 2008 from the previous year. The owner, Wicks Group of Companies, last February cut Vibe’s circulation 25%, reduced its frequency from 12 to 10 issues a year, and slashed salaries 10% to 15% but neither was of any help.

The future of the music magazine genre looks bleak. BLENDER* is gone, ROLLING STONE* and SPIN* ad pages are down 21% and 26%, respectively. And, THE SOURCE, XXL, FADER, PASTE – may not make it past 2009…

For teens, COSMOGIRL and TEEN magazine have shut down and numerous online teen websites are taking their place and successfully, too.

That leads into this: what can we do as people in the PR industry to fix this? Turn to online media that is just as credible and popular among readers. For example, Maxim.com has 2.5 million viewers a month. That is an incredible amount of exposure. Plus, the upside to online publications is that it costs the companies less to produce content and therefore, they are a bit more likely to offer coverage and sometimes, more of it. Additionally, with the beauty of Google, people are much more likely to catch an interview or feature story online than someone is to pick up a magazine and find you in it.

Even though we think it’s better to be online, for the non-believers out there, you may not even have the choice much longer.

* MediaFinder.com provided many of the statistics in this document.

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WTF?: Forniphilia 101

July 2nd, 2009 Filed under: Commentary/Editorial, WTF? by Editor in Chief

“Look Ma, no hands!”

Forniphilia: The art of human furniture (not endorsed, nor performed by anyone at ABORT Mag…no seriously, we swear.)

Dry-humping the couch, just took on a “hole” new meaning

No, they’re not the latest signings to Metal Blade or Roadrunner, they are Forniphiliacs and they need a good polishing. Jesus! talk about getting a woody, especially when the wood in question; happens to be the leg of the fucking dining table you just spilled Chartreuse all over and licked clean with one swift, slip of the tongue. You like that huh? yes you – the one jerking off the arm of your chair.

Is it at all possible that women and men have just taken it too far? maybe any and everything could in its own unique way, be jerked off to.

Might as well start by believing the Home Hardware jingle, you know, when they tell you that: “Help is close to home.” In this case with the Forniphilia, the help is the home …and all its contents within.

KICKING IT OLD SCHOOL: “Snooker Hookers”

If you find the picture is weird, try visiting this goon named Gord.

His “House of Gord” site, is host to some fucked up furniture shit even stranger than the drawing up top. He in fact admits that the participants can be in serious danger, as they are almost smothered from staying in position (gagged and bound) for so long, The prick even got featured on Showcase channels’ racy Sin Cities program, where you can watch some of the Forniphiliac’s interview, during their Porn Vs. Art episode, including his exclusive human chandelier. ” What we’re curious about is the participants. How fucking submissive can one be? What would entice somebody (outside of money) to engage in such a dangerous and nefarious form of S&M?

ABOVE: Second Life gets a makeover

According to his website,Masterpieces of the forniphilics craft include: ·
Chandeliers ·
Tables of all sorts and descriptions
Lamps
Pedestals
Office Chairs
Rocking Chairs
Footstools
Ceiling decorations.
Lawn Sprinklers
Bird Tables
Bedside table/lamps

Stand back – I’m getting a table-length hard on as we speak.

I remember my Mother always saying in conversation on the phone “ ..well you know he’s been there so long he’s become a part of the furniture.” I would have never imagined it would also mean this shit. Could it be my Mother was part of a secret society of deviant lamp-licking freaks?

So when your next date turns out to be in the furniture restoration business, just make sure they don’t haul out a bottle of Pledge when you ask them to pass you some lubricant.

Hey- we’re just the messengers, but if you are fucked up enough, and we know you are, you can also go to:

forniphilia.info

By the way , the next time you are in IKEA® and you see a guy in a trench coat…Run like a motherfucker.

By E.S. Day

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ABORT @ NXNE 2009: The Week In Revolt

June 23rd, 2009 Filed under: Commentary/Editorial, Exclusive!, Made In Canada by Editor in Chief

(All Photos by Ajani Charles | Ajani.ca)

WEDNESDAY June 17th

Gala Party Kick-off

READ HERE

THURSDAY June 18th

Media check-in was a breeze for some, not for others and while the flannel flowed and the Olivia Newton-John headbands arrived, the bulk of us were looking for Satan worshipers and gangstas, but wait…there were none. If any anything, we seemed more hardcore than the bands.

Goodie bags were molested, cards were dropped on tables and day one had commenced.

HIGHLIGHTS: D-Sisive and Vancouver’s own Carpenter.

FILM PICK: African Underground: Democracy in Dakar

FRIDAY, JUNE 19th

HIGHLIGHTS: AZ/FREEWAY/MR.LIF/PUMPKINHEAD/POISON PEN. “Sick as fuck” is the first thing that came to mind as this is about as close to hardcore as any “LOUD” rock or punk band could even touch during the “Flannel Week” festivities, even though we got stood up (4 1/2 hours standing there at the venue) by Nas collaborator, ex-The Firm MC , AZ he finally brought it ruff, rugged and raw, to The Opera House stage.

Meanwhile The Cliks tore it up at Dundas Square and that was about all we got for a dose of rock-infused adrenaline. Daytime highlights included: The PR panel, Jake Gold and the Town Hall panel (by the way, Mr. Gold certainly lives up to his name, as he can strip 10 (he says 8… ) chicken wings to the bone in no time and keep a good conversation flowing. By the time the comedy act Experimental Dental School, oh wait! they were serious? well maybe it was the laughing gas we took as it was like pulling teeth to get through their Hipster set of” “Fun! Fun!” tunes. Where’s Cannibal Corpse when you need them?.

FILM PICK: Hori Smoku: Sailor Jerry. This tattoo documentary seems to be causing a big buzz in the ink world and one of the harder-to-find screenings. Director Erich Wiess spoke with ABORT about the film for Issue 12, due August.

SATURDAY, June 20th

HIGHLIGHT: Although late, GZA’s panel conference with Fab 5 Freddy (the legendary) finally went down, and ex- Ramones/MC5 manager Danny Fields engaged the audience with a visible interview from Toronto’s Warren Kinsella

FILM PICK: I Need That Record! The Death (or Possible Survival) of the Independent Record Store

SUNDAY, July 21

Nothing going down at the Hotel worth mentioning as this conference winds down, with a slew of tweens and fashionistas invading Toronto streets for the MuchMusic Video Awards, with the only highlight being Perez Hilton getting socked in the jaw.

HIGHLIGHT: GZA. Hands down he blew the crowd away with his Wu Classics and tracks culled from Pro Tools and Liquid Swords, and of course some upcoming new tracks. Apparently, media was tossed aside like a used condom after the first 3 songs, which prompted the Genius himself to motion to security to let them stay, nonetheless, our man on the scene – Ajani Charles got backstage to get some exclusive portraits for ISSUE 12.

FILM PICK: But We Have The Music

VIEW OUR EXCLUSIVE NXNE 2009 SHOOTING GALLERY BY AJANI CHARLES HERE

All in all worth attending if you are still in the garage, it was certainly less confusing than the “other” conference that seems to prey on the weak , hopefully next year ‘s NXNE will have some metal, industrial or anything else that could draw blood from the ears. Just because its too heavy for the radio, doesn’t make it talentless, or not worthy of getting heard.

By E.S. Day

NXNE.COM

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An Open Letter To A Closed Mind: TRENT REZNOR BECOMES ANTI-SOCIAL

June 11th, 2009 Filed under: Commentary/Editorial by Editor in Chief

(Hypebot/NINForum | Photo- Scott Alexander)

“It’s been an interesting experiment over the last couple of years or so. Faced with leaving the infrastructure of traditional record labels and figuring out what the right thing to do is in this new world – I found myself realizing that for me to have any concept of how to interact with the community and know what they might want / what they find appropriate, I need to immerse myself in that world and live it for a while.

The reason no record label knows how to market anything to new media is they don’t live there…

They don’t get it because they don’t use it. What you’ve seen happen with the marketing and presentation of NIN over the last years is a direct result of living next to you, listening to you, consuming with you and interacting with you. Directly. There’s no handlers or PR people here, it’s me and my guys – that’s it.

…I will be tuning out of the social networking sites because at the end of the day it’s now doing more harm than good in the bigger picture and the experiment seems to have yielded a result. Idiots rule…” – Trent Reznor

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Kickin’ it Old School: SWANK Magazine

June 6th, 2009 Filed under: Commentary/Editorial by Editor in Chief

1957

______________________________________

1973

__________________________________________

1996

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2009: Too degrading to show here

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What was to be an apparent knock off of Esquire Magazine, Swank was born from the mind of Victor Fox, it had moved from publisher to publisher until it landed in the lap (no pun) of the Magazine Management Company better known today as Marvel Comics. Yes, the home of Iron Man was also the home to the “Iron Cocks of America Club” and kids everywhere were stalking corner store newsstands, trying to penetrate the plastic-wrapped journey into bathroom bohemianism. You can also include half the staff of ABORT. Well, maybe just 3 of us.

It had also been known for employing the Oscar(R) Winning screenwriter of The Godfather – Mario Puzo, as an in-house writer. Publishing group Magna finally bought the publication along with Stag in 1993 from Charles Goodman (son of Marvel founder Martin Goodman).

Today the magazine derives most of its revenue from online ventures (of course), and 60 years later is filthier than Esquire could ever have imagined.

Turns out the publishers are the real whores.

By E.S. Day

(Thanks to our friends at CoverBrowser)

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